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Mthimkhulu International, provider of the Celebrating Humanity© series of programmes, is focused on creating a better world for all of its citizens. Through the development of respect and understanding in the workplace and at home.

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Don’t give an ear to negativity.

She sidled over to me, during a team-building process and pointed at the supervisor.
“You want us to change, but it is not us who are the problem. It is him! Do you know what he does...”
As she began, I stopped her and asked, “Do you have a problem with him?
“Yes!” She answered as she swiftly prepared to relate her tales of woe.
Again I stopped her and said, “Then the best person to talk to is him.”
“But, you don’t understand...” She began again.
Again I pointed her in the direction of the supervisor and moved away. A little later I saw her talking to another team member and pointing at both the supervisor and I.

One of the best ways to move positive messages through an organisation is through gossip.
“Did you hear? Lerato had a baby boy!”
It can be a challenge when the messages become mixed up, with re-telling.
“Did you hear? Lerato is becoming bored!”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, John just told me. It must be important.”
“Did you hear that Lerato doesn’t like working here any more. I hear that she is bored.”
“It must be that pregnancy thing. I wish that she would just give birth already!”

One of the biggest dangers to stability, at home or at work, is malicious gossiping. In families it happens over the garden fence, or at social gatherings. It has zero benefit to the gossiper, their listeners or the victims of their viciousness.

Sometimes the listeners are victims of their own inability to break off the conversation, without “hurting the gossipers feelings.” And sadly, in many cases, the listener is looking for something to talk about. They need to find some powerful ammunition to “get back at” their victim, or are just looking for a way to while away the day.

In multi-linguistic countries, it is easy to hide behind your knowledge of another language. In France or England, it is often easy to talk about people from the other country, in your own language. In South Africa gossiping is almost as compulsory an art form amongst many of the indigenous language speakers, as sarcasm is to many people of British-descent.

In families, those with little or nothing to do will find ways to raise themselves on the “imperfections” in other people and their actions.

“Did you hear that Vinesh made that poor girl pregnant.”
“Yes, it is so terrible!. What kind of family raises their sons to do that?”
“And what kind of mother allows her daughter out so late at night?” And from there the story grows and grows and incredible damage is done, whatever the truth of the original story and its growing exaggerations.

Malicious gossip has the ability to destroy families, teams, companies and even countries.

In South Africa many people have “crime” as a conversation maker. Yes, some South Africans have had the unfortunate experience of a serious crime. Most have not. Yet many have the best spreaders of gossip - supported by the print and broadcast media - as their “sources.”

In order to make conversation with each other, and our visitors to this wonderful land, they focus immediately on their version of this aspect of our country. Yet there are many fine and wonderful stories to be told and incredible wonders to be spoken of.

So where is our personal responsibility? What can you and I do, as individuals, to stop the destruction. It is really quite simple, because we can all be agents for change.

As much as we can all reduce the crime rate in our country, by simply not buying stolen or suspect goods, so too can we reduce the dangers inherent in a gossip-ridden society.

How? It is quite simple. Stop being a receiver of gossip. Direct your gossiper to the person, department, politician that they complain about.

Say to them, “I am sorry - I do not listen to gossip/ negativity. This has nothing to do with me. If you feel so strongly about it, you should speak to Sipho/ Jean-Pierre/ the President/ your mother/ aunt Sophie. That is the only way you will find peace on this matter.”

If a friend is deliberately using code-speak, or a language to hide negative comments. Ask them to stop and ask them to talk to the person concerned in a mutually understood language and in straight and clear way.

In refusing to give an ear to negativity, we reduce the potential for conflict and reduce the inestimable harm done by those misguided people of mean intent and low self-esteem.

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